Become Unbreakable: My Metamorphosis Conclusion

Life somehow finds a way to bring new light on wisdom we have always known and repeated. The expression on my mind is, “Better late than never.” Right before I sat down to conclude this metamorphosis series, I had a long conversation with my father. Our talk consisted of two telephone calls.  On the first call I let him know some keys things that I withheld for far too long but finally said about our relationship and style of communication, which stubbornly remained one way from him to me. He called a second time and said something that surprised me so much that the sentence repeated over and over in my head. I even snatched a pen and scrawled it on my hand as he proceeded to talk on a new topic that grabbed little of my attention. I just never thought I’d hear those words from him. He said, “I’ve learned from our last conversation that we [as parents] need to be happy for our kids, not just for ourselves. I feel better knowing this and I want to share it with your mother.” My lips pursed tightly together into my signature grin when I felt something to be too good to be true. I told my father how much I appreciated those words.

You see the path before you. Go after it even if you have to cut the wires.

You’re probably thinking that this is a given and not worth being excited over, but let me shine a little more context to the picture. Culture, family honor, prestige, pressures from church friends, work colleagues, society, and material possessions or trophies have had a significant hold on my family’s perception of our worth to the point where it has been distorted and inflicted needless suffering. We drowned and obsessed over all of these externalities, which released much anger, depression, fears and worries, along with hurting our relationship with each other. They blinded us to our true potential, hopes, dreams, and individual identities apart from the family unit, culture, society, and so forth. Toward the end of my college career I made the decision to stop equating my worth to the attainment of prestige, wealth, fame, honor, and material success. My parents, however, continued to tie their worth to their children’s attainment of prestige, wealth, fame, honor and material success. My father words encouraged me to believe that he let go of those perceptions and was willing to accept his children’s’ dreams as long as we loved our pursuits and believed they would make us happy. I hope my mom can feel the same way too and discover and pursue her own dreams beyond her children. I’m 26 and my brother is 20.

As long as we’re honest and patient with each other and brave enough to open tough lines of communication, we can reach each other and end up surprised at how much the other side can change or be willing to change for the better. It’s not about winners or losers, but about the desire for mutual happiness. If our hearts are in the right places and our words spring out of love instead of spite, anger or disrespect, then both sides can hopefully see the big picture, the big ideals and visions. The intricate details are traps for strife, contempt and suffering because we hardly if ever agree on the details.

If I ignored my miserable state and continued to pursue medicine back then, I’d end up a bitter med student or would have quit somewhere along the line and regret those years full of frustration, low-self esteem, and confusion. I would not have experienced those amazing two years studying Sociology and Education in New York and would not have gone to live in Korea for a year. I would be a completely different person, and I would not be writing this post on this blog. And my sadness over my life’s trajectory would have wounded my parents as well. I am sure glad I woke up in that library basement those five years ago. And even if I had woken up in the middle of medical school or the middle of my career as a doctor, it would have never been too late. The important this is to wake up. Better late than never.

The path is clear and I am not afraid. 

How about you? Ever had a breakthrough in a difficult situation among your family, friends, or coworkers that gave you hope in humanity’s potential? Please do share!

Have an enjoyable weekend!

I plan to see Invisible Man at the Huntington Theatre in Boston with my friends. YAY!

Thanks for reading,

CSS :)

Please share (tweet or repost) if you liked My Metamorphosis series. Thank you! :D

I snapped these pictures above on my cellphone while on a fall nature walk to a park near my home.

A Resuscitation is in Order!

HI :)

Never thought I'd update this blog, did you? It took more than a year, but I am back. This time I've dropped the pseudo-name Sammy Suzuhara. Call me CS. Severe is my real last name and I haven't given it enough credit for its radness. I am still working on Children of Tokua, the new name of this blog. This book has haunted me for seventeen years and finally, finally---no, I really mean it this time-- FINALLY, I am going to produce a finished product. I've made some serious changes that has revitalized the book, along with my interest in writing it.

Before I give you any details of what those major changes are, I want to share with you one essential process that I had to undergo to finish COT. Desire and motivation are very important when writing a book, without them, the thing never gets done. And this is true about any major project in our lives. I've been focused these past few weeks on raising my self-consciousness and performing some deep introspection. I had many obstacles to writing COT but I never dived deep into figuring out what they were. I assumed I was a chronic procrastinator, lazy, not disciplined, etc. And then sometime last week, I haphazardly visited this website called Personal Excellence after listening to a list of inspirational music which I arrived at through listening to Susan Boyle's rendition "I Dreamed a Dream" (Can't get enough of that song! Yes, I know it's a depressing song but it nonetheless inspires me, haha). I highly recommend the Personal Excellence website because it pretty much helped change my attitude toward COT.

I decided to read one of the articles on procrastination and did a self-introspection exercise to understand more deeply why I wasn't actively writing COT. My initial free writing produced some common answers such as: "I'm bored with the book. Hate seeing the same thing repeatedly. I'm lazy. Other things in life are getting in the way. Not enough time to truly write. I don't have enough discipline." I then steadily wrote things like: "I'm afraid of rejection. I'm afraid people will hate my book. I don't think I'm a great writer. I won't get anyone to represent the book. My writing isn't as great as I would want it to be." These were the real reasons why I wasn't finishing COT! In other words, I finally admitted to myself that I DIDN'T think I was a great enough writer for the book. This self-defeating thought and belief strangled my writing. I decided at that moment that I would no longer succumb to it. Taking this action breathed new life in my desire and motivation to write. I want to be a published author. I can clearly imagine myself as published author. I love the story of COT. I love the characters. They are my babies! I can't reject them just because of my own limiting thoughts.

So, I liberated myself from such negative thinking and instead embraced my capacity to write a story my heart desired.

And on the note of discipline, I realized from Personal Excellence, I didn't need discipline to write COT. Discipline is getting something you don't like doing done. I love COT so it should not feel like I'm having an uphill struggle writing it. Attitude is so important. Well, folks, that's all for now. I'll let you know how changed COT in my next post!

thanks for reading,
CSS