"Future" Problems

Happy Monday, folks! Okay, I know Mondays don’t rank high in everyone’s favorite day, but any marker that signals the start of something is all right in my book. Maybe it’s my obsession with beginnings and endings. Anyway, I hope you had a great weekend. I saw Invisible Man yesterday night at the Huntington Theatre with my friends and it was more spectacular than I expected. Be careful out there with the flu outbreak if you live in the U.S. Virtual hugs if you are sick! :)

Couldn't resist. I want a Kitty now!

SO, in the midst of my personal devotion today, I took some time apart for meditation. I focused on breathing and the three principles of love, kindness, and compassion. My meditation has no complex formula. It just is. My thoughts meandered about while I tried to refocus them back on the circular path of breathing and the three chosen principles. I filled my lungs to full capacity, deflated them of all air, and filled them again, deflated and back again. In the next second, I reached farther into myself because anxiety had been an issue lately and I wanted to address it before the day ended. What happened next surprised me.

A flurry of thoughts burst through one after the other like an onslaught of black arrows that rained from an unseen enemy: “I want to be successful now. I want to help my family financially now. I want to be financially independent now. I want my own place now. I want a cool apartment now. I want to be published now. I want to hold my book in my hands now. I want to enjoy time with my friends in New York now. I want to be in Japan now. I want an acceptance letter to a school in California now. I want all these things now. Now. Now. Now! I want them now!”

Help.

My eyes opened and I exhaled. Okaaaaay. Apparently I wasn’t aware of the two-year-old living deep inside the recesses of my mind. And what an annoying two-year-old she is. With a rise of embarrassment, I pinpointed the source of my anxiety. You know how people tell you to forget your past or how not to let your past control your present and determine your future? Well, my problem was that I let the future intrude on the peace and sanity of my present. I wanted the future I desired now and my refusal of the present brought irritability and pain. I fell back to an old habit of ascribing value to my life through a negative mind frame: my life is valuable if I have these future things now. False.

When I resumed meditation, I told myself that this present moment mattered the most and I already had everything I needed right now: the breath that gave me life, my mind, food for my physical body, shelter, good friends here in Boston, my family’s health, a teaching gig ready to start in a few weeks, memories of an unforgettable experience in Korea, and so on and so on.

When the future happens and I have those things I wanted today, I will say same thing: I already have everything I need right now.  

How about you? Ever have “future” problems? How did you deal with it? Would love to hear your responses!

Thanks for reading,

CSS :)

Friday Specials! DeLIicious!

Happy Happy Friday, Folks!

We've made it to the end of the week. High five! 

We did it!

I’ve been roaming about the blogosphere and picked up these 10 nuggets that I wanted to share with you. This list will be part of a series I call Friday Specials! So if you come by here on Fridays, I'll serve up a list of helpful links.

Don't be shy. Dig in! 

Hope you find them as helpful as I did. 

Have an idea for your story? Maybe you need something more.

Karen Woodward: Writing A Story? Make Sure You Have A Concept Not Just An Idea http://bit.ly/UVtSy7

Do you write before you plan or plan before you write? This author says plan first.

Planning your masterpiece – Arthur Crandon's Writing Matters: http://bit.ly/VPZbrW

Have too much disorder in your writer’s world? This might help.

Musings: Keeping Track: http://bit.ly/ZQeWT8

How do you know if you are you writing for success? A few answers here.

Writing for Success – Arthur Crandon's Writing Matters: http://bit.ly/V1uU8X

Grab your readers’ attention fast. Check this out.

Starting out Strong - How to Write a Killer Opening: http://bit.ly/13nW3WF

Want some advice on successfully marketing your book?

“Kick Ass” Book Marketing Tips from Amazon #1 Best Selling Author Gunnar Fox | The Official BookBuzzr: http://bit.ly/UEZa6N

Stuck on producing blog content? Check this site out.

Author Blogging 101: How to Create an Endless Stream of Blog Post Ideas — The Book Designer: http://bit.ly/Ubo143

What makes a blog successful? Some answers here.

What Is Essential On A Blog? http://bit.ly/VtnSeq

Want to be more innovative?

To Increase Innovation, Take the Sting Out of Failure - Doug Sundheim - Harvard Business Review: http://bit.ly/13mltF6

Are you a teacher? Seeking more creativity for your classroom? Check this out.

Innovation Excellence | 30 Ways To Promote Creativity in Your Classroom http://bit.ly/XqpG6l

Enjoy!

Thanks for reading,

CSS :)

If you found this list helpful, please share it with others who may find it helpful too!

Want to see sites sharing information and advice on something else? Please let me know and I'll generate an updated list. 

Become Unbreakable: My Metamorphosis Conclusion

Life somehow finds a way to bring new light on wisdom we have always known and repeated. The expression on my mind is, “Better late than never.” Right before I sat down to conclude this metamorphosis series, I had a long conversation with my father. Our talk consisted of two telephone calls.  On the first call I let him know some keys things that I withheld for far too long but finally said about our relationship and style of communication, which stubbornly remained one way from him to me. He called a second time and said something that surprised me so much that the sentence repeated over and over in my head. I even snatched a pen and scrawled it on my hand as he proceeded to talk on a new topic that grabbed little of my attention. I just never thought I’d hear those words from him. He said, “I’ve learned from our last conversation that we [as parents] need to be happy for our kids, not just for ourselves. I feel better knowing this and I want to share it with your mother.” My lips pursed tightly together into my signature grin when I felt something to be too good to be true. I told my father how much I appreciated those words.

You see the path before you. Go after it even if you have to cut the wires.

You’re probably thinking that this is a given and not worth being excited over, but let me shine a little more context to the picture. Culture, family honor, prestige, pressures from church friends, work colleagues, society, and material possessions or trophies have had a significant hold on my family’s perception of our worth to the point where it has been distorted and inflicted needless suffering. We drowned and obsessed over all of these externalities, which released much anger, depression, fears and worries, along with hurting our relationship with each other. They blinded us to our true potential, hopes, dreams, and individual identities apart from the family unit, culture, society, and so forth. Toward the end of my college career I made the decision to stop equating my worth to the attainment of prestige, wealth, fame, honor, and material success. My parents, however, continued to tie their worth to their children’s attainment of prestige, wealth, fame, honor and material success. My father words encouraged me to believe that he let go of those perceptions and was willing to accept his children’s’ dreams as long as we loved our pursuits and believed they would make us happy. I hope my mom can feel the same way too and discover and pursue her own dreams beyond her children. I’m 26 and my brother is 20.

As long as we’re honest and patient with each other and brave enough to open tough lines of communication, we can reach each other and end up surprised at how much the other side can change or be willing to change for the better. It’s not about winners or losers, but about the desire for mutual happiness. If our hearts are in the right places and our words spring out of love instead of spite, anger or disrespect, then both sides can hopefully see the big picture, the big ideals and visions. The intricate details are traps for strife, contempt and suffering because we hardly if ever agree on the details.

If I ignored my miserable state and continued to pursue medicine back then, I’d end up a bitter med student or would have quit somewhere along the line and regret those years full of frustration, low-self esteem, and confusion. I would not have experienced those amazing two years studying Sociology and Education in New York and would not have gone to live in Korea for a year. I would be a completely different person, and I would not be writing this post on this blog. And my sadness over my life’s trajectory would have wounded my parents as well. I am sure glad I woke up in that library basement those five years ago. And even if I had woken up in the middle of medical school or the middle of my career as a doctor, it would have never been too late. The important this is to wake up. Better late than never.

The path is clear and I am not afraid. 

How about you? Ever had a breakthrough in a difficult situation among your family, friends, or coworkers that gave you hope in humanity’s potential? Please do share!

Have an enjoyable weekend!

I plan to see Invisible Man at the Huntington Theatre in Boston with my friends. YAY!

Thanks for reading,

CSS :)

Please share (tweet or repost) if you liked My Metamorphosis series. Thank you! :D

I snapped these pictures above on my cellphone while on a fall nature walk to a park near my home.

Become Unbreakable: My Metamorphosis Part 2

It’s funny how I’m writing in my local library’s basement about an illumination that happened in the basement of my college’s library. I find peace in these spaces below ground and feel more in tune with my consciousness. Dare I say that some sort of mystical essence oozes out of library basement walls that affect my inner thoughts and releases revelation after revelation? Of course it’s nothing that dramatic, but it’s fun to think so.

What do you call a basement that's not really a basement?

YA BOOKS!

Can you spot my work station?

I left off yesterday talking about how I ignored or rather suppressed another path to success and happiness because I feared what my parents would think about it. They wanted a doctor and nothing else could offer prestige and honor to the family name.  I on the other hand desired to be a scholar: to teach, learn, conduct research, and repeat. And of course be a writer. To stay in line with my parents liking for science, I bargained I could be a genetics professor because I genuinely enjoyed genetics and molecular biology. However, I was more concerned and passionate about the intricacies behind society’s power structures than the building blocks of DNA. Sociology. I can hear the sighs already. You can’t possibly make any money studying that! The stats do say education and sociology are on the bottom of the list in terms of earning power. Tell that to my heart and mind because they both can’t get enough of it. 

So, June rolled in and I decided to write my parents a letter about the change in my life’s course. Letters are wonderful mediums for getting thoughts across without interruption and I thank them for that. In it I detailed the immense unhappiness I felt following a plan that struck me powerless, dead, and unmotivated. The letter finally followed a sit-down and it was difficult.

My parents saw my dreams stretch as far as the end of their noses. I held no blame against them though. Their dreams were not mine and my dreams were not theirs. Only point of reconcile I hoped was the desire for each other’s health and happiness. The problem emerged when pursuing my dreams apparently brought unhappiness to my parents while pursuing their dreams brought me unhappiness. I figured I needed to convince my parents to embrace a broad picture of health, success and happiness rather than the narrow, almost dogmatic view they were accustomed to. It was a view that stifled me and weakened my creativity and stunted my growth as a human being. I later realized it did the same to them. It brought only suffering because no one wanted to live up to it and that created failure.

This understanding eluded me back then, but I have it now and I feel it’s on its way to make a difference in our lives.

How about you? Ever have a particularly difficult conversation with loved ones about something that ended in a dilemma? Please share if you can.

The story ends tomorrow.

Thanks for reading,

CSS :)