Death as Motivator?

The end of the year always offers me a chance, a gift really, to start all over again. I try to make my relationship with time less stressful. I can’t fight time and expect to win. It’s a battle with no victory I can call mine. So, instead of heading butts with time, I’ve decided to understand it and relish what it has to give. Itself. Youth fades faster than snow melting under a sun in a cloudless, warm day after a snowfall. Old age creeps up unexpectedly similar to how a few quick chugs of bourbon hits the brain. You’re one place in one minute and another place in the next. Time is a beast. It devours everything: our youth, our strength, health, skin, teeth, and ultimately, our life. Try as we might to replace all of them through the help of science or healthy living, the inevitable truth strikes us all. We will die. And yet for me death is not a source for fear, but rather inspiration, motivation, and courage. Courage to stand up for my dreams and what I want to see realized in my life. Knowledge of my unavoidable demise gives me courage to counter arguments trivializing my ambitions or snuffing out the delicate flame that lights my hope in a life lived differently. I cannot live the dreams and hopes of another. Others have had their chance and now it is mine. This life is mine to make mistakes. Mine to learn, live, get hurt, recover, and move on. The sooner I understand and fully grasp this the better. Time teaches me that risks need to be taken and possible failure courted because it is a beast.

Busan, South Korea. I miss it.

I may not always make the best decisions. This is true. However, they are my decisions and I take full responsibility for them. Only Gods knows my future so I speak to Him and that conversation is between Him and me. It’s a conversation not many can understand, and that’s quite all right. I grow sick of explaining myself over and over again. Just let me be. Let it be. Let it be. Oh, but very few of us can because we want control, especially control over another life or more. I’ve been set free so I am under the control of no authority except God. I respect and behave courteously, of course, because good manners mean a great deal to me. If I’m able to overlook a person’s bad manners, it means I love his or her personality above all else, but that is a very rare occasion. However, I digress. My point. What is it? Let time be an ally. Don’t make it an enemy because it’s a merciless beast that will never give back what it has devoured or rather what we have allowed it to devour. Death is the only thing that stops us. The only thing that moves us is life. 

thanks for reading,
CSS :)